she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
