I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
