the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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