FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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