I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
