She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
