I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
