Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
