do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
