so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
