he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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