What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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