We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
