You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I smell stomach acid.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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