Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
