A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
