it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
