well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Only a mothe r could love this liver
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Still dying that you shit outside
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
