i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
