my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
