Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
