I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
