evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
