Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
