can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I need moral support for this bender
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
