If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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