her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
