You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
