you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I pour the whiskey from now on
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
