The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
