Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
