Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
