He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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