i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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