Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
how drunk are you?
Several
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
