We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
