He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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