11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
