No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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