What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
