I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
