Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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