hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
