Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
