Me too!
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
ok first of all what the fuck
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
