You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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