Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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