dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
