My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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