OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I am naked and annoyed.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
