forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
